ANA 0-0-8

I wrote this based on a contest here, whose rules I didn’t really bother to follow, after a friend pointed out the contest to me. I wrote until I had nothing left to say, so it doesn’t end so much as stop…it is what it is, though.

A voice came out of the darkness. It sounded familiar, in that it had the evenly-paced and modulated tone of an automated announcement at an airport. She opened her eyes slowly, grimacing at the bright white light that evenly lit the small room she found herself in.

The room was square, maybe eight feet to a side, and white all over. The corner she sat in was home to a white bed built into the white wall, and it sat flush with the white floor. She gingerly stood, her feet clad in white shoes that weren’t hers, instinctively smoothing out the white pants and tunic she wore, and looked around. No sink, no mirror, no amenities beyond the white bed and a white door.

The voice rang out again, this time in Japanese. She jumped, and the question took a moment to sink in. The voice sounded layered, like one person speaking several languages at once, and filled the room. She looked around, but failed to spot the speaker the voice must have been emanating from. The voice wanted her name.

She blinked again. She heard a word she didn’t recognize, a Japanese word underneath that, and possibly even English underneath that. She moved to speak and coughed horribly. She cleared her throat as best she could and said her name.

“Thank you. Please wait one moment.” The voice was still layered. Hybrid English and Japanese. She walked to the door and pressed against it. No give. No handle. No indication of how it opened, even.

The moment passed. “Please back away from the door before security measures are enabled. Thank you. Please wait one moment.”

A minute passed.

“Records located and examined. Do you know where you are?”

“Why do you sound like that?” she asked.

“Please be more specific,” the voice replied.

“I hear you, but I hear…lots of you. English, Japanese…something else.”

“Ah,” came the reply. “You are not familiar with our translation socket. I am speaking Japanese. You understand me clearly?”

“You’re speaking English.”

“I’m speaking Japanese, and it is being translated to English on the fly. You may experience a slight delay as the subtext and nuance engines ensure an accurate translation, but the translation socket implanted in the skin just below my chin allows you to speak with me and vice versa.”

She sighed and sat down, her head in her hands. “Why can’t I remember?”

“Excuse me?”

“I can’t remember how I got here. Or what I did.”

“Ah.” A pause. “You arrived on ANA flight number zero-zero-eight, departing from Los Angeles at 1400 and arriving in Haneda at 1600. Passenger 14C. Do you remember your arrival?”

“I don’t remember anything.”

“I’ve been told that that is normal. It will return in time. Your fellow passengers don’t recall your behavior on boarding, but reported that you appeared unsettled upon waking up partially through the trip, that you exhibited a great degree of stress and agitation. Self-Defense Forces on the scene took custody of you, gave you a pacifying treatment, and brought you here.”

“Where is here?”

A pause, and then the voice continued on as if she hadn’t said anything at all. “Why were you flying to Japan?”

“I don’t…no. I had a—a trip planned. A week in Tokyo, a few days in Hokkaido for the penguins, and then on to Fiji.”

“Do you remember boarding?” The voice remained kind, but direct.

“Kind of. LAX is always a mess.”

“Ell-ay-ecks? Clarify, please.”

“Clarify LAX? It’s the biggest airport in the world.”

“Ah, thank you. It isn’t, but your meaning is clear now. What time did you leave?”

“You just said. I left at…what is 1400, two o’clock? That sounds right. And I was due to land in Haneda…did you say I landed at four?”

“That is correct.”

“It’s tomorrow?”

“We’ll get there in due time. Please tell me the exact date you left.”

She did so.

“Do you know today’s date?”

“No.” She paused, and her voice cracked when she asked, “How long have I been here?”

“You have been here for roughly 96 minutes at this point, including transport time from Haneda.”

“Where is here?”

“Do you know today’s date?”

“Where am I?”

A sigh doesn’t need translation, and she winced when she heard the voice lay a deep one on her. “The year is 2037. It is exactly twenty years since you left ell-ay-ecks.”

She blacked out.

She awoke again, and suddenly. No grogginess, no fuzz. The lights in the room slowly came up as she opened her eyes. She stayed in the bed, laying on top of the sheets, and looked at the ceiling until a quiet, inoffensive tone sounded and the voice entered the room again.

“Good morning. How do you feel?”

“I feel lost.”

“Those feelings are normal. Do not be concerned. Do you remember our conversation yesterday?”

“You told me I lost twenty years, like I was in a coma or something.”

“No, the years were not lost, and you experienced no coma. There is no known medical cause for your…situation. Researchers are still unsure exactly what causes it.”

“What happened? What is it?”

“Sometimes, people are set adrift in time. Between the end of your era and the dawning of our own, technological advances gave us a certain level of control over reality—physics, gravity, and so forth. Ever since, every now and then, people from your time simply arrive in our time. Sometimes the time difference is just a few years, if they lived close to the breaking point. Occasionally, it’s much longer, as in your case. We suspect that it has to do with the theoretical permanence of the human soul.”

“This can’t be real.”

“No, souls are very real. That was proven to be true years ago. Scientists suspect that the soul may be immortal, and that’s why those that find themselves adrift only suffer temporary side effects from becoming unmoored before adjusting.”

“No. I mean this…all of this. It can’t be real. This is some kind of…”

“Oh no, we make sure that real is very, very clearly defined, to separate it from the surreal and unreal. This is reality, as defined and ratified in the Mayweather Accords. There is no doubt about it.”

Days later, and the immediate terror had faded to a dull roar in the back of her head. It’d gone on too long for a prank, and she was treated too well for it to be a punishment. She hadn’t seen hide nor hair of another human since LAX, but the voice was omnipresent, if not genuinely friendly.

“Your voice still echoes, with the languages and all. Is it a glitch?” She’d taken to speaking to the voice to pass the time, and the voice was always willing to answer, even if those answers weren’t entirely forthright.

“Deepest apologies. Those without a translation socket may experience a slight delay before speech is adapted to their tongue. When one translation socket can speak to another, the experience is much, much smoother.”

“Are you real?” she asked.

“Yes, I am.”

“No. Are you a person? Or are you a machine?”

“Small correction: many machines are people. I am a person, but I am not a human being in the sense that you are a human being.”

She stood up and walked to the plain, currently featureless door, folding her hands into fists on the way. She swung a wide hook at the door hard, aiming right at eye-level. Her fist passed through the door like it was smoke, and her momentum swung her around. She lost her balance and began to fall backwards into the door. This time, the door caught her fall. It felt soft but firm, like a waterbed. It absorbed the impact of her fall and bounced her back into the middle of the room, leaving her standing on her own two feet. She gasped, caught her balance, and turned around to face the door. She reached out one hand to touch it again, and found it solid and cold.

“Violence is discouraged. If violence continues, steps will be taken.”

“What am I doing here?”

“Simply put, you do not belong here, but we are a post-cruelty society. In cases like yours, reintroducing you into the modern day has lead to civil unrest, confusion, and panic on all sides. Now, we use a more humane method.”

“This is humane? Keeping me here in a cage? Answering my questions with vague…whatevers?!” She spat on the floor, and sneered when the floor itself bubbled and opened up to absorb her saliva, leaving behind clean tile. “All these stupid magic tricks and fake doors and talk about 2037…and I’m in solitary confinement?”

“Ah,” said the voice, with something like surprise. “You misunderstand. This is merely a holding facility. After your educational period, you’ll be moved to a location dedicated to housing yourself and others. You simply need time to acclimate to the raft of inoculations and treatments we’ve been deploying during your sleep cycles. Within 48 hours, you should be safe and sound and amongst your own once again.”

“During my—”

“More information will be available on an as-needed basis. For now, please do your best to relax and rest. The process goes much more quickly if you minimize the stress you’re under.”

Freedman Gaiden (working title)

(Late last year, a couple friends asked me to look at their script and give them notes. I don’t want to say too much because it’s their story to tell, but all you really need to know is that it was an homage to the intersection of martial arts movies and blaxploitation in our culture, and was set in 1990s Los Angeles as a fictional mayor took extreme steps to combat crime.

I read it, gave some notes, and kept thinking about it. With their permission, I wrote a side story to the script to get it out of my head. It runs parallel to the script, between the frames of the film, but hopefully stands alone, too.)

Officer Joe Brown rubbed his chin and barely stifled a laugh. He knew when the kids in his neighborhood were screwing with him. He pulling the same tricks when he was a kid, hanging on the same corners and walking the same streets. “Y’all li’l negroes are ridiculous. You know good and well there ain’t no ninjas running around the hood.”

The six kids talking to Joe fell out, telling him how he doesn’t even know how wrong he is, and throwing knowing glances at each other and disbelieving smirks at Joe. One voice rose above the chatter—Tanya, who made up for being short for a middle schooler by being the loudest person in whichever time zone she happened to be in at the moment.

“Hold up, hold up!” Tanya said. “Hold up! Officer Brown, you need to be more careful with how you talk to us!”

Joe winced, not sure how he’d managed to step on a toe this early in a conversation. “Do what now?”

“You can’t be saying en-ee-grows around us. That’s not cool! That word is offensive!” Tanya hit every syllable of offensive like it owed her money, hammering the three syllables into the hardest weapon on Earth. Joe briefly flashed back to high school and sharing classes with Tanya’s mother. He could hear the resemblance clear as day, even if he couldn’t already see it.

“Tanya,” Joe said, “I hear you calling these boys you run with nigga this and nigga that every single day of the week, and only half of y’all are even black. How you gonna get at me over ‘negro’?”

“I chose nigga, nigga! Negro’s some word the white man put on us years ago, trying to keep us in shackles. You should read a book sometime, Officer Brown. We can’t let these people hold us down no more.” Tanya looked at Jamie, a towheaded white boy who was on the cusp of graduating from middle school to high school. “No offense, bro. You still my nigga, Jamjam.”

Joe laughed for real this time. “Well, fair enough, li’l nigga.” He shook his head as their shared laughter trailed off, looked away, and looked back. “So what’s up with these ninjas, then?”

Connor, “Con” for short, piped up this time. His voice bounced from gravel to soprano and back again, depending on how excited he got as he spoke. “My cousin saw ’em! They ran up in Tony’s house last night. Tony lives on the fourth floor too, in the Towers? Bro, he said they ran up the wall hella fast. Like hella, hella fast, though. It was two of ’em, and they came in through the window. He heard ’em fighting, and it was mad loud, like bam bam bam, and then they came back out the same way they went in, this time with Tony handcuffed and knocked out.”

“I bet Tony ain’t even fight back,” Tanya said. “My mama was telling me about him, he ain’t done nothing right in his whole dang life.”

Joe waved Tanya off and kept on Con. “Where was your cousin while this whole kung fu movie was going on?”

“Aw man, Officer Brown. It’s like that? You don’t believe me? Why, ’cause I got held back last year?”

“Nah,” Joe said. “I believe you, Connor. But I know your cousin Jodie, too, and the last time I saw that fool sober he had just left the liquor store and was on his way to go buy some weed, too.”

“Well yeah, Jodie smokes some, but that don’t make you blind. It ain’t like it’s crack. Plus it’s ninjas, not kung fu. That’s totally different.”

“Man, what you know about crack?” Joe laughed again. “But all right, all right. What’d these ninjas look like?”

Con shrugged. “Like ninjas, nigga.”

Joe facepalmed. He never had kids of his own—never had the time or interest, really. “We talking: black mask, black pants, black shirt?”

Another kid chimed in: “Ninjas don’t wear shirts. They wear armor.”

“And swords?”

Con looked thoughtful for a full ten seconds. “Maybe. I don’t know. Nobody said nothing about no swords.”

“Y’all need to hurry up talking about ninjas kidnapping people,” Tanya interrupted. “You the police, Officer Brown. You should probably investigate and let us get back to watching this basketball game before it’s curfew and you get me in trouble with my mom again.”

She was right. Joe went out of his way to talk with the crew every couple days, usually on his meal break, just to take their temperature. This conversation had already gone on for a while, so Joe dapped them up one after the other (he made Tanya jump for hers, and she threw a playful-but-not-really punch at his stomach in exchange), walked to his car, and drove off.

When Joe was a kid, just eight or nine years old, six kids in their early teens followed him home after school and asked to see his bike. Joe knew better, and declined, so one kid held both of his arms while a second slapped him in the face. Joe begged for him to stop, and got slapped harder. The third hit was a punch directly to the nose, the fourth to his stomach.

The teenager let go of his arms and Joe fell like dead weight. The teen who threw the punches crouched down and grabbed a handful of Joe’s short afro, forcing Joe to look in his face. The teen gave Joe a minute to catch his breath and asked again. Joe gasped “Garage” and the teen dragged him over, waited for him to open the door, and rode off on Joe’s bike. The other teens followed on foot, or rode their own bikes.

At first, Joe wandered to his room in a daze, sat next to his bed, and sobbed. The tears mixed with the blood pouring out of his nose and split lip and stained the floor and his bedding. After thinking about it and plugging his bloody nose with tissue, Joe went to the kitchen, picked out a knife from his mother’s patchwork set, and walked outside. He didn’t know what he wanted to do—just that he needed to do something. Kids made fun of him at school, but he wasn’t a punk.

Joe made it halfway down the block before he ran into Officer Knight on his way home. Joe knew Knight’s son from school. Ikenna was a dick, but he didn’t push Joe around like Fox and the others sometimes did. Officer Knight had a daughter, too. She was older, and Joe thought she was beautiful, but was too shy to ask her name and knew Ikenna wouldn’t tell him anyway.

Knight lived in the neighborhood and was friendly with Joe’s mother, which is why all he said was “Hey, youngblood, where you headed?” when he saw Joe’s bloody face, shirt, and the gleaming knife in his hands. “You all right? Is that your blood?” Joe froze, looking at the older man. Officer Knight looked so unbelievably tall to Joe at that moment that he could’ve been Superman or Shaq.

The knife fell to the ground and bounced into the gutter as the whole story spilled out of Joe like a flood. Officer Knight sat on the curb next to Joe and held him while he wept again, using a handkerchief he pulled from his uniform’s chest pocket to dab the blood and tears from Joe’s face.

“You wanna be tough, kid?”

Joe sniffed too hard, coughed, and had to spit before he answered. “Yessir. Sorry.”

“Grabbing a weapon and doing somebody harm ain’t toughness. You know your mama taught you better than that.”

“I guess.”

“Yeah, you guess. Being tough is about being able to stand up for yourself, but also knowing when to fight and when to ask for help. You got that knife to stick the kid who hurt you?”

“No. I guess. Maybe.”

“But there was a group of them, right? So you’d get him, and then his friends would get you, and then your mom would have to pay for another funeral.”

“Yessir.” Joe had no idea what to say, so he fell back on what he knew.

“I’ll make you a deal. You go home, get cleaned up, and put some ice in a ziploc bag, right? Then you wrap that bag in a washcloth and put that your face for two minutes at a time, then two minutes off, then two minutes on, you got that? What’re you gonna do?”

“Two minutes on, two minutes off.”

“It’ll help the swelling. You might have a little black eye but you’ll be okay. Ladies love that stuff.”

Joe laughed.

“In the meantime, I’m gonna go see a man about your bike. But I wanna make a deal with you. If I get your bike back for you, you gotta do me a solid. Okay?”

“What’s a solid?”

Officer Knight sighed and laughed. “It’s like a favor. And that favor is this: there’s a martial arts studio around the way. I know the guy that runs it, and he’ll hook you up. You go there after school twice a week and get strong for real, not this weak stuff these li’l neighborhood hoodlums try and practice.”

“Martial arts like what you and Ikenna be doing in the park on Saturdays?”

“Not exactly, but similar, yeah.”

“And it’ll make me strong?”

“It won’t make you strong, but if you pay attention, you’ll learn how to be strong.”

“Okay.”

Three hours later, long after dark, Officer Knight came home with Joe’s bike. The cop had a brief conversation with Joe’s mother, shook Joe’s hand, and said, “You gonna be a good little man, kid. Don’t rush it, though. And remember the deal.”

“Yeah, I’ll do you a solid.”

“Good looking out.”

From that night on, all Joe wanted was to be more like Officer Knight. A couple years later, Knight was shot and killed while in pursuit of a suspect with his partner. Eight years after that, Joe enrolled in the Los Angeles Police Academy.

“You tired, Officer Brown?” asked Lieutenant Bennett. “You look tired.”

“No, sir. Sorry, sir.”

The lieutenant frowned. “You sure? It’s all right, Officer. We’re on the same team here. If you’re tired, you’re tired.”

“No, sir. That’s just my face. Ever since I was a kid.” Joe looked around the office and rubbed his hands together, working the joints.

“Well, all right.” Bennett picked up and flicked through the files Joe brought to him. He chewed the inside of one cheek while he speed-read, looking for keywords. He exhaled and tossed the papers on his desk. “You say we’ve got six CIs and twelve known dealers and gang members that just…what, exactly?”

“Disappeared, sir. No traces, no sign of a struggle, no witnesses. Just gone.”

“Is this a problem, or is this just migration? You don’t think they rotated to some other hole, set up shop there? Pasadena, Long Beach?”

“No, sir,” Joe said, and shook his head. “Definitely not. Two-thirds of the missing have a history of beefing with rival sets around the greater Los Angeles area on account of being relatively small-time. If they were making moves like that, we’d have bodies stacked in the streets. Doesn’t matter whose.”

“Rival action, then? Some enterprising Piru clearing the deck, one of them Rollin’ clowns getting back at these small fry?”

Joe rubbed his head. His hair was freshly cut, just an eighth of an inch long. The buzz felt good on his hands. “I don’t think so, sir. Gangsters aren’t really known for quiet, no matter where they’re from. I’ve got a buddy who works anti-gang and he poked around for me. Nothing out of the ordinary, violence wise. Nobody’s making statements.”

Lieutenant Bennett frowned again. “Then pardon my impatience, officer, but what the fuck is this I’m looking at, then?”

“A pattern, sir.”

“A pattern.”

“Yes, sir. Every one of the missing had contact with police in the past six weeks.”

“A lot of people have contact with the police.” After a moment, Bennett’s eyes narrowed to thin slits. “You think cops did this.”

“No, sir. I don’t know, sir. But it’s organized, efficient, and I’ve got third party witnesses who say they wore something like high tech tac gear.”

“‘Third party witnesses’? That’s not even hearsay, officer. That’s gossip.”

“It’s unreliable but consistent. It’s a lead, I think. My…informants said they moved and looked like ninjas, and—”

“Officer Brown.”

“I know how it sounds, sir. Believe me. But I have a hunch this is real.”

“A hunch. Ninjas. Officer Brown, how would you like to be the youngest detective in LAPD history?”

Joe jumped and squirmed. “I’d like that…very much?”

“Then table this bullshit, leave the fairy tales to kids, and do your fucking job, which is not bringing me nonsense that distracts from real police work. Whatever this is, it does not concern you one whit.”

Joe winced and looked around the office again, trying to organize his thoughts and formulate a reply.

“Officer Brown…Joe, you’re good police. You care, but you need to make sure that you don’t care yourself right out of the game. You’re gonna psych yourself out if you follow every little rabbit hole down to Never Neverland. Wonderland. Whatever.”

Joe was silent for a moment, and said, “Yes, sir.”

“You are not to pursue this. You are to do your job. Understood?”

“Understood, sir.”

When Joe rose to leave, Lieutenant Bennett held up a hand. “One second, son. You updated your file at all recently?”

“No sir. No changes to report.”

“This zip code…you live north or south of the old tracks used to run through there?”

“South, sir.”

“Why? We not paying you enough?”

“It’s where I grew up, sir.”

Lieutenant Bennett looks Brown up and down and purses his lips. “Hm. Get back to work, officer.”

After a week, Joe was still angry. He had nothing to go on, no primary witnesses, and no idea where this was going, but he still fumed around his apartment. He met up with the neighborhood kids when he could, played a bit of pick-up ball, and hit the weights to burn off frustration, but he couldn’t get the conversation with Bennett out of his mind. There was something going on, he knew it, and to be dismissed so utterly…there was something there, too.

So Joe cheated. When he had a day off, he spent the night before observing citizens known for dealing or gang violence. He made a list of the worst offenders and staged a series of one-man plainclothes stake-outs. He needed to not just find the so-called ninjas, but to photograph them, to get proof of their existence and their methods.

He spent a month sleeping in his car once a week for nothing. No proof and no sightings, just more disappearances happening when and where he wasn’t looking. There was no pattern that he could see, no rhyme or reason to suggest who would be next. Just men and women who quickly passed from known quantities to memories, with nothing left behind to mark the transition.

On his way home from his last night out, Joe paused at his front door, the key half in the lock. He felt something that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and his forearms explode into goosebumps. His body was screaming danger but his mind couldn’t quantify it. He drew his sidearm, half on instinct, and paused. He listened.

After a moment, he heard a voice from behind his own door. “You might as well come in, Officer Brown.” Male, educated, older, and a little loud, as if the owner of the voice had to project to be heard…if Joe had to guess, whoever it was had settled into the chair Joe kept near the TV and perpendicular to the door. He closed his eyes, created a mental image, opened them, and hit the door hard.

It swung open and Joe ran inside and broke left, hoping to escape the killbox of a backlit doorway and position himself catty corner to the voice so he could cover the door and windows simultaneously. It was a good plan, up to a point. Joe made it three steps into the room, six steps shy of his goal, when he felt a fist shoot out of the darkness. He tried to duck the incoming blow and nearly did, but the impact still sent him spinning toward the TV. He reached out a hand to steady himself and turned the gun toward the fist. He froze when he saw the badge.

Black pants tucked into soft black shoes. A tactical belt with a police badge instead of a buckle. A black vest over a black…was it a sweatshirt, maybe? The badge looked real enough to Joe, despite having had his bell rung not two seconds ago.

It was enough to make him pause, and the pause lasted long enough for Joe to finally feel the effect of the hit. His mind swam. Joe opened his mouth, but the question died on his lips. He worked his jaw, fighting to find something to say.

“They’re police, Officer Brown.” The voice again. “Just like you.”

Joe swung the gun toward it, turning back and forth from the voice to the ninja. Another arm reached out of the darkness and applied an arm lock, forcing the gun down and away from the voice. Joe felt the barrel wedge into his hip and groaned. He counted two ninjas and one voice and cursed. He couldn’t feel the two ninjas at all, but the voice radiated anger. He had jumped the gun, and now he was stuck.

“What is this? Who are you?”

“You don’t recognize your mayor?” the voice said, and suddenly, Joe did. The light was dim, and the arm lock had him seeing spots, but he knew the face. Mayor Walter Joyce. “Do you remember when your lieutenant told you to back off and mind your own business? Why didn’t you follow orders, Joe?”

“It was you?”

“You didn’t mind your business at all. Those little half-hearted stake-outs—my squad clocked those from a mile out, maybe more. They’re better trained than you, and they definitely follow orders better than you do. They laughed at you, Joe. They walked right past you and you never even saw them.”

“What is this?”

“Are you ready to behave?” Joyce nodded toward Joe’s gun, whose barrel was still buried in Joe’s hip. “Agree to lower the gun and we can talk like men. You can even hold onto it if you want. If it makes you feel like a man.” Mayor Joyce’s face was flat, only the tightness of his jaw communicating his anger. Joe winced and nodded, and the gun made a flat thud when it hit the carpet at his feet. Joyce raised a hand. The pressure on Joe’s arm disappeared, and the ninja moved behind Joyce faster than Joe could see. He still felt nothing from him. One minute he was there, and the next, behind the mayor.

“It’s a pilot program, Joe. I had an idea, and for the past three months, we’ve been testing it out. Ten arrests of violent offenders a week for three months. That’s one hundred and twenty bad guys behind bars.”

“That’s impossible. I checked the arrest records. They would’ve been in the system if they were arrested. There was nothing out of the—”

“We needed new weapons for new wars. So I built the most efficient police force in the world.”

“You built a ninja army.”

“Don’t call them that. Don’t be disrespectful. They’re police, same as you, same as me. They do the job.”

“This is crazy.”

“Hmm.” Mayor Joyce looked Joe up and down. “All right. Officer Brown, do I have your word that you will remain silent about what you’ve uncovered?”

“You break into my place, you assault me, and you tell me I should keep quiet? What the fuck do you think?”

“Okay. Do you want to join my new unit, receive training that will elevate your talents, and eventually take part in—”

“Fuck no. Fuck you.”

Mayor Joyce laughed. “Okay. Here’s how it’s gonna be. Officers Mohr and Silva here? They’re going to take you off the table for me. I’d suggest you not go for that gun again. If you touch it, if you raise it, if you point it in my general direction, they’ll beat you into a coma instead of just breaking your arms and legs.”

Joe instantly dove for the gun, but before he could wrap his hand around it, he felt a sharp shock on the back of his right hand. The gun spun across the room this time before hitting the wall hard enough to dent it. Joe reared up with all his strength, raised his left hand to throw a punch, and felt his world turn upside down.

He landed flat on his back, looking at the ceiling. He felt Mohr and Silva move closer more than he heard them, and within seconds, he passed out from the pain.

Juliett the Wanderer

Juliett grew up a country girl. She couldn’t ride a horse or plant corn or anything like that—she wasn’t that country—but she’d spent more time running through the woods than she had running on concrete and her voice had a pleasingly disarming twang. She shot a gun for the first and last time when she was eight. Her grandfather set up a dozen glass bottles in his backyard, set in front of a tall stack of chopped wood, handed Juliett a tiny snubnose, and told her to go wild, but be careful.

The first shot winged a bottle, shattering it, but the noise and shock made her eyes water. Not a lot, or for a long time, but just enough. Her grandfather laughed, and she stopped. “Well, well, Miss Julie-T, look at you! We might have to call you Dirty Harriet!” he said. His nickname for her was dumb, and she didn’t get the joke, but his laughter made her laugh, too. She went through the next five shots with increasing ease, only managing to hit two more bottles, and the following six weren’t much better. Still, it was exhilarating. Juliett made the mistake of telling her mother, April, how much fun she’d had playing with her grandfather. Her mother pitched a fit, called her own father, and that was the end of that nascent hobby. Bill, Juliett’s father, laughed and laughed from his recliner until a wicked glare from April made him stop.

Juliett’s family moved to the city from down south a couple years ago. There was money in the city and there was no future but the status quo in their little town. April had grown up in the city as a kid, but moved south before high school thanks to rising costs. Now, it was time to move back.

They found an affordable place on the southside and tried to set down roots. Bill worked construction, which was easy to find in a city bent on changing its image, and April worked nights as a nurse at Southside General Hospital. It wasn’t a comfortable living, not yet, but they were getting there.

They kept Juliett on a tight leash. They knew that it was all too easy to fall into trouble, and sometimes Juliett acted like she didn’t have the good sense God gave her. Bill called her “her mother’s daughter.” She was a scrapper in elementary school, more than willing to battle whichever little boy or girl looked at her and saw an easy target. After a few talks from her mother and father, Juliett channeled that energy toward basketball in middle school. Juliett excelled up to and until the point that her height topped out at 5’3″ while her teammates shot skyward. When she moved to the city, she shifted gears and ran track as a freshman in high school.

Her parents knew that trouble was right around the corner, but didn’t expect the form it took. Juliett started staying out late. Her parents made the mistake of getting her a bike for her fourteenth birthday, and she’d go for long rides during the day and not return until night. She’d make up excuses about late trains or losing track of time, promise never to be late again, and then do it again later that same week.

After a few weeks of this and endless broken promises and disobeyed directives, enough was enough. Her parents were tired of “I was just walking around.” Bill heard her sneaking out one night. He knew it was drugs or boys, one of the two and hopefully not both, so he slipped quietly out of bed, grabbing the pistol he kept locked in his nightstand along the way, threw on a light hooded jacket, and followed her.

It was barely ten, and plenty of people were still out and about, looking for a good time or a way home. He kept his distance, hanging back at least a block or so, and kept up with her as she walked a winding route around the south side. She never checked behind her, never stopped to listen. She was going somewhere. She must’ve walked fifteen or twenty blocks before she finally stopped, looked around, and slipped over a fence and into a closed playground.

The sign on the fence explained the park’s hours of operation, that all children must be accompanied by an adult, and that adults without children were not welcome. Bill pulled the hood up over his head and walked past slowly, searching for his daughter out of the corner of his eye. Juliett was sitting on the swings, idly rocking back and forth, with her head leaning against the chain. Bill wondered if she was waiting for someone.

After walking past her, he crossed the street and posted up on a stranger’s stoop catty-corner to the park. He could see her from here without being seen by her, not unless she looked for him. He watched for an hour, his eyes working their way up and down the street to see who was coming to see his baby girl, but no one ever showed. She just swung.

As the night drew on and midnight approached, he realized that she wasn’t going to do anything. Maybe she’d seen him following her and was just waiting him out. She cycled from swings to jungle jim to laying flat on the seesaw. She wasn’t playing, not exactly. It was more like she was simply moving just to move. More than anything else, she looked like was listening. Listening to what?

Bill texted April the details of his confusion, just to keep her informed and to see what she thought. Not forty-five seconds later, Juliett’s cell phone rang. Juliett’s whole demeanor changed, her body language stiffening. Bill slapped his forehead, muttered “I shoulda known,” and crossed into the park. He waved to Juliett with a sad smile, watching her bottom lip quiver, and sat on the swings.

When Juliett finally got a chance to hang up the phone three minutes later, she came and sat by him on the swings. She was quiet for a full minute before saying, “Sorry, Daddy.”

He said, “I’m sorry I told your mom.” They were both quiet for a while. “What are you doing out here?” he asked.

She sighed. “The city sounds different,” she began. “You know how back home, when it’s real dark, you can hear all the bugs and stuff? How it’s never really quiet?” Bill nodded in the darkness. “Sometimes there’s dogs I guess. But out here, when it’s really dark, it’s really quiet, but not. All the sounds are coming from far away and you can hear everything. It sounds nice. I just like listening to it. And it’s really cool out, but never that cold, either.”

Bill didn’t completely buy it at first. He asked her about boys (she sighed and shook her head), drugs (“No! Of course not!”), and who she was supposed to meet tonight (“No one? Why?”). He thought about it some more. Juliett would often sit on their stoop, her chin in her hands, and just stare off into space. Her second-floor window stayed open because she claimed she couldn’t sleep with it closed. It was murder on the power bill, even if they kept her door closed, but her parents relented when they saw how adamant she was. Maybe it was true. He sat back in the swing and closed his eyes, trying to figure out how to explain this new situation to April.

With her father’s permission, Juliett kept going out to listen to the city, though now she had to check in when she got to one of three approved areas and agreed to return when called. April didn’t like the idea at all, and Bill didn’t either, really, so they bought her a canister of pepper spray and attached it to her keychain. They could learn to deal with if they knew she was safe and where she was lurking, maybe. It was clear that she wasn’t going to stop, but as long as her grades stayed up and she kept her place on the track team, they could learn to cope. They could teach her to be careful, to protect herself, to be aware of her surroundings. Better this than anything else, really.

Eventually, April had to admit that Juliett had a point. She and Bill would alternate staying up to wait for her, usually by an open window. (There was an unspoken logic behind the choice of location. April had a gut feeling that if there was trouble, she’d be able to hear the patter of running feet or screams, no matter how far away Juliett was at the time.) The city really did sound different, and it really did sound nice. It was comforting.

During the day, the city was a roiling mess of loud motorcycles, honking taxis, and squealing wheels. At night, all those sounds faded into the distance and became different—not pale, never pale—imitations of themselves. It was a special kind of quiet, the type where snatches of conversation and the sound of a revving engine half a mile away were as welcome as a song. The streets emptied out after a while and everything seemed heightened. It felt like the world receded, leaving just you and a bubble around you. Occasionally things would manage to penetrate that bubble, but that only made the eerie silence better when those things were absent. April didn’t like that her daughter was out at all hours of the night, but she could see why that was such an attractive idea.

It took a month for April and Bill to realize their lunacy and pull the plug. Bill saw an particularly disturbing report about a shooting in their neighborhood, a rarity at the time, and the first thing he did was call Juliett downstairs and cut her off. April concurred. Juliett stamped her feet and breathed through her nose, but they didn’t budge. April had a brainwave—they had rooftop access if they wanted it. If she wanted to stay out late, she could do it on the roof. There was no danger up there, so she could stay out as late as she wanted to. They went up to the roof together, crawling out through a bedroom window and up a skinny metal ladder onto their shared roof.

It was just two stories, but they felt like they were looking at a completely new city up there. The noise of traffic took on a different tenor as it echoed up and down the city’s streets. Once you got above the acid orange of the street lights, the city just looked different. The lights reflected off the streets was subdued by the moonlight, leaving the city looking cleaner and greyer.

Juliett liked the freedom of being out and away from home, but couldn’t deny that the roof had its own appeal. She could see more of the city from the roof, and the sounds were even clearer. It was like being alone in public, and Juliett got into it. It was a compromise, and she kept on pretending that it sucked right up until she snuck a blanket onto the roof and spent the night up there.

Nathaniel, after

Nathaniel was alone with his thoughts in a cramped apartment safe house for three weeks before he was set free. Speaking to the neighbors was out of the question. Calling in friends was out of the question. The television only worked sometimes, a big fat box in a slim flatscreen world, but he could only loop Sportscenter and the news for so long. Working out was pointless. He’d start in on crunches or push-ups and find his mind wandering more than he wanted it to, causing him to lose count and start over.

Nathaniel did a lot of sitting and a lot of thinking. He always found himself thinking about dying, so he tried reading. He tried sleeping. He tried smoking, despite the fact that it made him think about dying again. He tried everything, and none of it worked. His mind kept cycling back around to two things: the dumb look on an old man’s face when a bullet struck him dead between the eyes and the idea that he might die in the exact same way.

Late on a Saturday night verging on a Sunday morning, the final day of his stay, he opened the door to the apartment, took the shaky elevator down four floors, and stepped outside for the first time in nearly a month. He breathed deep, inhaling the smells of exhaust and concrete and metal. The air was cool and he could taste the city on his tongue.

He lit a cigarette almost immediately, idly listening to the town while trying to make his janky Bic catch. There were sirens in the distance, no surprise there, and the street around the apartment was mostly empty, save for the cluster of hoodies and low-slung jeans on a stoop half a block down. Nathaniel pulled his knit cap lower on his head, down around his ears, breathed out a mix of steam and smoke, and walked toward the train.

The outer line of the elevated train system—locals called the line the O, the Loop, the Orange—circled most of the city. It wasn’t a perfect circle, but it wound its way south past the docks in the northeast, cut west through a few neighborhoods in a long-forgotten part of the south side, and eventually snaked its way north and around the west side before turning east toward the Neon, where the finest of clubs and restaurants did their best to put a kind face on the otherwise cold and grey pallor of the city.

Nathaniel didn’t have a destination in mind. He just wanted out of the apartment (mission complete) and out of his head (still pending). He knew that it was a dumb idea, but barring an outright catastrophe, he could ride the train for a while, find something to do, and then make his way back to his own apartment on the south side of town. At the station, he realized that the old man’s jewelry store was on the west side of town. If he went round-trip, he’d pass it anyway, but no reason to rush. He took a northbound train, trading the bleak environs of the south side for the algae smell of the docks and the bright lights past that.

He chose a seat in a corner at the back of the car, far out of anyone’s way, and watched and listened to the city some more. It took the train an hour to make a complete circuit of the city at this time of night, passengers coming and going in bursts of noise and heat, each of them headed toward a party or toward their beds. He watched the people on the train out of the corners of his eyes or their reflections on the windows as he listened to their conversations.

The closer the train got to the Neon, the more it filled up with girls. That’s how he thought of them: “girls.” He’d never been good at guessing ages, and he was long past the point where he particularly cared to. They were loud, they were pretty, and they were young enough to make him feel old. They were girls.

He only caught snatches of their conversation as his focus wandered in and out. When he heard something about a house party and a fistfight, cops and an ambulance, he tried to tune back in, but it was too late. They moved from topic to topic with a hummingbird’s intensity, and he soon lost the flow of conversation entirely. He half-listened and half-watched them for a while before eventually deciding that they were high school girls, maybe early college. They didn’t seem ground down and they didn’t have any hard edges. They hadn’t lived yet.

The girls got off as soon as the train hit the Neon, headed for some club or another. He figured there was no way they all had fake IDs, so maybe there was an all-ages show or something on. He didn’t particularly care, but it was something to think about that wasn’t that thing he didn’t want to think about.

A couple stops past the Neon and into the west side, a familiar face got on. Nathaniel had never seen the man before, but he recognized the type. The guy was built like a football player who was just a few years past his prime, definitely solid enough to be a problem but flabby enough to make you wonder if you stood half a chance. He looked up and down the train like a predator, sizing up the audience, before his gaze finally settled on Nathaniel.

He grinned, revealing an upper jaw covered in gold teeth from canine to canine. Images flashed through Nathaniel’s head—gold and ivory smashed together and tinted red, the smell of copper, the chatter of a spat tooth, a low moan—as Nathaniel grinned right back. His grin was wide, but his eyes remained cold. The man was a no-name goon, some legbreaker out looking for some extracurricular cash. No discipline, and judging by the way the man’s eyes narrowed at the sight of Nathaniel’s grin, no heart, either. He couldn’t tell what crew the man belonged to. Signifying was verboten after a police crackdown maybe ten years ago when things got really bad in the west, and only idiots advertised their membership in the Network, anyway.

The guy sat down a few rows up, in one of those seats that’s positioned perpendicular to the rest of the car. Nathaniel was already running scenarios in his head, and knew that the man sat at that exact spot because he could see Nathaniel out of the corner of one eye and the door out of the other. Maybe he thought he was being subtle as he kept stealing glances at Nathaniel’s face. Maybe he was continuing to size Nathaniel up, gauging whether or not it was worth it to try and strong-arm him. Nathaniel knew that he was tired, thin, exhausted, and looked it. He probably looked like an easy mark. If the man went for it, then Nathaniel knew that he was going to draw attention or get arrested. Both scenarios were unacceptable.

He did his best to radiate hate. Nathaniel caught the man’s gaze every time he sneakily glanced back, but kept his face blank and bored. He let every bit of poison in his head run through him. He thought of death and dying and killing— guns dropped in paint buckets, covered over with concrete, and dumped in the lake. A blowtorch applied to joints and cartilage. A family funeral on Sunday morning, a mother wailing at the loss of her entire family in one accident. Nathaniel dwelled on these thoughts as he watched the man watch him.

A thought passed through Nathaniel’s mind: what if this was the guy the Network sent to kill him? Three weeks of detention and then an anonymous, random death on the train. He’d been that guy before. This guy didn’t have that look, but things change.

The guy was big. Bigger than Nathaniel. The guy would be a problem if things got physical, but if he was stupid enough to start something on the train, then so be it. Hurt him in a way that feels permanent and makes him stop in his tracks. Use the keys on his throat. Go for an eye first. Find his weapon and take it. Shatter his patella. Destroy his grill. Step on his windpipe.

Nathaniel’s eyes glazed over as he thought. They snapped back into focus when the man stood up. Nathaniel’s body tightened. His eyes narrowed. He cocked his head and watched the man stretch as the train rolled into the station. The man flipped him the bird, sneered, and stepped off the train halfway into the west side. Nathaniel watched him walk down the stairs of the platform and part of the way down the block before the train started moving again. Nathaniel glared at his reflection and closed his eyes for a moment. He needed to get off the train. He wasn’t thinking of dead old men, but he that was because he wasn’t thinking at all.

Something was going to happen to him. It wasn’t a matter of if. It was a matter of what and when. Another goon, eager to make his name, might recognize him. A cop could get a hunch, or recognize his face from some file somewhere, and play the odds. Some minor stickup kid might pick the wrong target. Face caught on camera. Angry ex-girlfriend. Panhandler. Something. Better to stay in. Better to stay safe. Better to be home.

As the O swept through the west side and began moving toward the south side, a group of gangly teenagers boarded. The car was mostly empty now. There was a half-asleep couple idly making out when the shaking of the train jolted them awake, hands clasped and his head on her shoulders. There was a group of teens having a low conversation at the front of the train. And there was Nathaniel, still at the back of the train, barely conscious, but still taking it all in.

Nathaniel watched as the shortest of the teens, a girl, stood up with a marker hidden in her hand and tagged the window. She signed “RUIN” in tall black capital letters that were more edges than lines in no time at all. The letters ran from the bottom of the window to the top, so straight Nathaniel wondered how often she’d practiced those exact motions. She threw a large five-pointed star after the N, a period, before adding two vertical lines and a half-moon into the belly of the star—a smiley face. Nathaniel scrunched up his face. The tag and the happy face, what was up with that?

The juxtaposition bothered him enough that he spoke up and asked about it. “Hey,” he said, his voice quiet and raw from the days he’d spent not using it. “Yo!” he said, and the teens turned as one to look at him with blank faces. He knew that look. He’d practiced that look when he was their age. “What’s up with the face?”

“I like how it looks, man. Why?”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Nathaniel shrugged, the kids turned away, and he was sure that they began talking about him. He zoned out and paid them no never mind. He was almost home. He was sick of the train, sick of the anxiousness, and ready for something else.

He got off a few stops later, the first stop into the south side of the city, before the blight but nowhere near the opulence of the Neon, and they watched him leave in silence. Nathaniel was still a few stops short of his apartment. He walked the rest of the way, and even took the stairs when he got back to his place. He paused at the door to his building, rested his head against the gate, and breathed deeply, wanting to absorb the night air as best he could before entering yet another cage.

Harry, Then to Now

0940
from katsuya terada’s rakugaking, page 0940

Every morning was the same for Harry. He rolled out of bed at six, ignore his creeping hangover, and rinse his mouth. A brief glance in the mirror, expertly avoiding his permanently baggy and bloodshot eyes and the sag that had infected his cheeks, to confirm that his face was clean, or at least clean-ish. A hand run through what remained of his hair was the final step before he set about his morning.

Breakfast, when he felt like it: three scrambled eggs, a frozen dinner roll, and a glass of orange juice. Sometimes the OJ was pulp-free, sometimes it wasn’t, and sometimes it was diluted with one part vodka for every two parts juice. If he woke up late and needed to be out of the house quickly, he’d skip a step or two and let the eggs cook themselves into an omelette while he prepped in the bathroom, slip the slightly-burned finished product between two slices of white bread, and eat while he walked.

Every day of the week, Sundays excepted, Harry walked into the city. He lived in the city, technically. In fact, where he lived used to be what people called uptown. It was annexed early in the city’s first burst of expansion one hundred years ago and became the commercial center of town for a few decades after. Then the depression hit, businesses disappeared overnight, and what was left was less than blight. The one school left behind was devastatingly underfunded and closed a few years later. Harry stuck it out. He liked his place. Not like anywhere else was any better. “Unincorporated” didn’t mean anything to him anyway.

He walked into the city because that’s where the work was. Harry’d been to college, but all he could find now was cheap physical labor. Lift this, move that, hit him. It was a long walk, usually an hour and a half if no boats were due to cross under the bridge, and it gave him a chance to organize his thoughts and try to figure out what he got up to the previous night. He’d often catch sight of his own bloody and swollen knuckles in the mornings and wonder who he hit and if he had it coming.

When happy hour arrived, it was quitting time at the plantation du jour. Harry liked to tell people he had a favorite bar to visit, if he got the feeling he could cajole them into drinking with him, but the truth was that he had a lot of favorite bars. Sullivan’s down on 6th, with the barback who smiled at him like she cared. Mike’s Bar, over by the bridge, had two dollar beers, five dollar whiskey, and let you smoke in the back. Route 69 was a strip club on occasion, the drinks were cheap, and he knew all six bartenders by name. They knew him by reputation.

Harry put himself through college building houses. Every weekend, he and several other students would pile into a charter van, bus out to the suburbs, and work until the sun went down. After his sophomore year, the business expanded to building and renovating homes and skyscrapers in the city. A shorter commute, but harder work.

He majored in education. He wasn’t sure why. His mother was a teacher when she was younger, before she gave birth to Harry and his brothers. Maybe it was in his genes. Probably not, though — he was a middling student, never a standout.

He just about missed his degree by inches, thanks to a complete lack of interest in every single math class he ever took, but he got it done. He rigged it so that he had a summer of nothing before he took on his first official teaching gig that fall, instead of going directly into working. He had a little savings and he wanted to have some fun.

Harry met Brenda, his future wife, the same weekend he graduated from school and went on his first bender. The three were related, of course. The graduation led to the bender, and the bender led directly to him making an impression on Brenda. She thought he was hi-larious and couldn’t get enough of his antics. He thought she was cuter than a button and loved to make her laugh.

Six years later and they’d passed all the major relationship milestones. Moved in together? That was month four. He met her parents in month two and got drunk with her father two weeks later. Six months in and they shared the bathroom for the first time. Fourteen months in and they announced their engagement. Four months after that and three months before their marriage, Brenda gave birth to Michelle Gloria. After that came two more kids, one every other year.

Harry entered Alcoholics Anonymous six years into their relationship, too. He worked hard, but he’d started to play harder. Some time after midnight on one whiskey-fueled night, he got blackout drunk and put a grown man through the window of a toy store. An ATM across the street caught the entire encounter, and though Harry was clearly provoked, the judge still ordered him to seek counseling, attend meetings, or face prison time.

Harry accomplished both, much to Brenda’s delight, but neither lasted longer than six months. He never drank at home, of course, or to the extent he had before. He knew better than that, especially after several long lectures from Brenda. But he drank.

Twenty years later, he had an ex-wife, two daughters that hated him, and one son that struggled to understand him. The son was blessed with his mother’s kind heart, the daughters with her common sense. Harry-and-Brenda became Just Harry to the vast majority of their shared social circle when he lost his job after a third DUI. She moved out, deep into the city, and Harry moved in the opposite direction.

Harry was a quieter now, most of the time at least. He’d sit and sip, or swill, and watch the game with a lazy smile on his face. The sport didn’t matter. It could be anything from basketball to golf. What mattered was the ritual of the game. You sit. You watch. You cheer at appropriate points and use the commentary as an excuse to go off on a rant of your own. You slap the table when the athlete on-screen screws up and you pump both fists for a win. You talk to people and you enjoy what you’re doing, and you repeat the process the next day.

But every once and a while, Harry would snap into consciousness and he’d look at what he was doing with crystal clarity. Sometimes he’d be hunched over some goon in an alley, one fist full of the man’s shirt and the other full of broken teeth, a man in a suit standing behind him and gently egging him on. Sometimes he’d sit straight up in bed with a woman whose name he forgot and didn’t particularly care to learn.

“Crushing paralysis” was the only way to describe the feeling that raced through his body at this point. The time between the intake of breath that heralded his sudden horror and the exhale that represented a grudging acceptance felt like forever. Harry wasn’t particularly quick on the uptake, but he was far from stupid. These were the only moments when he let himself recognize the truth of his life, and he was thankful they were so fleeting.

Harry had a system, he had figured out how to survive without rocking the boat, and he didn’t plan to break it.

Imminent Jest

2013-01-06-21.28.55

(a friend moved into an apartment and his roommate requested postcards as a housewarming gift. this was mine.)

She stubbed her toe on a box, cursed, and kicked it apart. 18 copies of Infinite Jest fell out and streamed down the stairs with a sound like rolling thunder. Her eyes narrowed. She looked at the dozen boxes she’d just carried upstairs. She thought about the U-Haul and twin storage units. She opened a box. It was packed with DFW’s book. She opened another, and another. She frowned at box three, screamed at box six, and sobbed into box nine.

They were all the same, an infinite set of Infinite Jest. Hundreds, thousands, of copies. First printings, bootlegs, library editions, an illuminated manuscript, and more. And worse. No clothes. No toys. No joy. Only the one book, reflected eternally.

She heard her new roomie come in downstairs, grunting under the weight of his arcane copies of Infinite Jest.

She sat on a pile of books, gripped her boxcutter tight, and waited.

To be continued in “Ignorant Jest.”

White.

On the seventh day, he said, “I’m hungry,” and began to cry.

The room was octagonal, tall, and bathed entirely in white light. Hidden fixtures above the ceiling, behind the walls, and below the floor ensured that there were no shadows to hide in. The room was plain, free of beds or any sign of comfort. Night came when every light snapped off simultaneously, leaving the room utterly black. Morning came when the lights turned back on uncountable hours later.

He woke up disoriented on the first day. He felt groggy, like he’d been asleep for a long time. He walked the circumference of the room and feebly pounded the walls, shouting at first for help, and then later for attention. When that failed, he ran his palms up and down the walls, looking for a window, a door, some type of crack he could pry loose. The walls were smooth, seamless, and cool to the touch.

He remembered his name early in the morning on day two while sitting in the darkness, and his immediate past soon followed. He started screaming once the lights came up. He clawed his face and rent his clothes with his fingers, struggling to tear the plain white shirt and loose white pants off his body. His nails held steady, leaving strips of white hanging from his chest and thighs. His vocal cords eventually buckled under the strain of his screams, and he fell prey to a vicious coughing fit. When he finally caught his breath again, his eyes watery and distant from lightheadedness, it was a ragged and painful wheeze.

He was silent for nearly an hour then. He sat with his back to a wall, he couldn’t tell which, and looked at the ground. His mouth kept working as he sat there, forming shapes that could have been words or wails if he had a voice. Toward the end of the hour, his mouth snapped shut. He raised his head and stood up. He faced the wall behind him, placed both of his hands on it at shoulder level, closed his eyes, and headbutted the wall. He hit it again, and again, and again. He lost count after six, and again after twelve, before his body gave out and he crumpled to the floor.

He awoke on the third day to find his clothes repaired and his wounds gone. He sat quietly right where he woke up with his legs crossed and arms hanging limp at his sides. He kept his neck limp, his head hanging just over his chest. His eyes remained closed, and he sat motionless throughout the day.

He prayed from light to dark on the fourth day, a combination of praise-giving and forgiveness-begging. He spent hours speaking in a low, rough voice, with breaks only coming during the times he bowed until his forehead touched the floor or when he raised hands to the sky. Tears streamed from his eyes as he prayed, leaving his face swollen and distorted. They traced traced dirty streaks down his face, despite the sterile, clinical environment.

Just before lights-out on the fifth day, he coughed and spat blood. It seemed redder than anything he’d ever seen on the white floor. He looked at the blood, unblinking, until the lights went out.

On the sixth day, he railed against his sins, his unseen and unknown captors, and his cell as he paced from wall to wall to wall. He cursed his life, his mother, and every family member whose name he could still remember. The coughing fits that interrupted the cursing like clockwork left blood spattered around the room, little red dots that became increasingly difficult to ignore over the course of the day. The bottoms of his feet spread the blood across the room in a streak of filthy footprints and smears. He’d stopped covering his mouth when he coughed, or even turning his head. He spoke, he coughed, and he continued speaking.

He crumpled on the seventh day. He woke up laying flat in the room, staring at the ceiling. He held the position, initially trying to divine the location of the lights that had tormented him over the past week, but his eyes soon glazed over and his mind drifted. He thought about being found in his apartment, confused and covered in blood, instead. He thought about his family, his friends, his life, and the men in black suits who kicked in his doors and windows what felt like moments before he woke up in a white cell. He thought about the smears of red that covered his walls and he collapsed under the pressure.

He coughed again, directly into the air this time. There was no blood. Just pain. He stood in the center of the room and said, “I’m hungry and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be hungry.” The room remained silent and white while his heartbeat thudded in his ears. He waited in the same spot for hours, doing his best to stifle the coughs.

Shortly before lights-out, he knelt, pressing his forehead to the floor once last time. He kissed the ground and said, “Please kill me.”

May’s Window

0533
from katsuya terada’s rakugaking, page 0533

Mostly, May spent her time looking out of the window at her station. It was a wide window, more functional than ornate, and the fact that it begin to curve inward, following the contours of the ship, toward the top made it seem to loom if you weren’t paying attention. Her station was similarly designed, with a gunmetal grey terminal, decorated with a series of red and blue buttons. May’s job was to press the buttons at a certain interval during certain situations. The buttons controlled something elsewhere, usually the power to the airlocks, winches, cranes, things like that. What they did didn’t matter so much as pressing them at the right time.

The right time only came through a couple times a day. The earpiece hidden behind in May’s tangle of hair — she thought about cutting it, but she liked the way near-zero gravity made it look like tentacles, instead of just unkempt — would chime once, pause for five seconds, chime twice, and then a female voice would begin speaking. The voice told May which buttons required her attention and for how long. Upon confirmation from May (“Orders received and understood”), the earpiece switched over to a pre-selected soundtrack. The music varied on a day-to-day basis, ranging from classical to jazz to afrobeat and more, and ended as soon as the task was completed. It served as a timer and reward, mixed work and pleasure.

At 0600 every day, hidden speakers piped music into the living quarters. It began low, and workers often complained of dreaming about the music infiltrating their dreams. It rose over the course of the next five minutes, eventually becoming loud enough to wake any dreamer, before fading out over the course of the next two. The slow build made waking up a smoother process, a comfortable alarm instead of a shocking one.

The forty-five minutes of required exercise began at 0615. The first thirty minutes were composed of standard stretches and calisthenics. The final fifteen were job-specific. EVA-prone builders packed on the weight, techs like May focused mainly on core strength and speed, and engineers were tested with puzzles in addition to physical labor.

Breakfast was communal, scheduled for every day at 0730. Two synthetic eggs, scrambled, with one half-piece of toast and a single glass of orange juice. No meat. Lunch was at 1200 on the dot. A sandwich, a selection of three vegetables, and a carbonated drink. Dinner was at 0730, exactly twelve hours from breakfast. The barracks closed at 2300. Every worker was required to have a minimum of six hours of sleep.

The rigid schedule left no room for error and no room for personalities. May existed to perform her task, and the schedule kept her focused on that task. Everything she was ordered to do related to that task in some way. Barring the communal meals, exercises, and barracks, she spent most of her time alone, the better to remain focused on her task. It was mind-numbing, but it was what she was bred for. She worked.

And she watched. She watched space for hours at a time. She never took pictures, drew, or wrote notes to remind her of what she saw. She kept it all upstairs, for as long as it would last. Something about the vast emptiness interested her more than anything else. The infinite was the most interesting thing on the station, really.

When she got to her desk each morning, she set her satchel on the hook under her desk. The satchel held no personal effects, not even a comb. Instead, it was full of tools. Battery-operated screwdrivers, for opening sealed hatches at her station. Wire cutters, a spool of wire, and soldering irons, for fixing bad connections or replacing circuits. A mask made of hard plastic, made to slip over her head and attach to her suit, in case her station spontaneously evacuated all of its air and replaced it with vacuum. The mask would keep her safe for up to two hours with a minimum of physical damage.

May sat at her station, day after day, and pressed buttons as ordered. It was a thankless and anonymous job, but it was a purpose. She’d been bred for an enhanced attention span, so it didn’t bother her too much. A simple mnemonic, generally muttered under her breath, activated the part of her brain that focused with laser-like precision on working. It kept her calm in times of duress, interested in times that would otherwise give rise to extreme boredom, and ensured that she did her job as required. She didn’t know who required it; merely that it was required.

She’d been on the station for years, maybe five, maybe eight, before she first noticed the infinite that lurked outside her workspace. The glass between her and space was thin, just an inch of highly processed and expertly polished and worked material that kept the cold and radiation out. It was so finely crafted that even the parts of the glass that curved along with the ship showed no distortion in the spotted blackness outside.

May’s station faced Earthward, or at least that is what May was told one day when she asked. But the ship was so far from Sol that identifying anything that might be familiar was next to impossible. Still, on some days, May wondered if that spark toward the center of her window was the solar system that would’ve been her home decades ago. It was a hunch, a feeling she could never quite articulate, but she believed it.

She thought her eyes were playing tricks on her at first. Part of the trouble with looking into the infinite is keeping track of all the moving parts. Two years after she’d started watching space, she swore she saw one of the lights go away, just wink off between blinks. That was impossible, obviously, but she couldn’t shake the feeling she’d seen it happen.

Time passed. She watched and watched as the stars began to go out, one by one. After six months, she could see a drastic change. A circle with a six inch diameter in the lower right corner of her window was nearly empty, and the darkness spread from there. May began sending messages to the upper management, one message a week for six weeks straight.

Every time, the same message came back: “Status green. Proceed as usual.”

Nothing more. Nothing less. No answers. So May kept pressing buttons when ordered to, and watched the darkness begin to overtake the light.

Theresa’s Smile

0915
from katsuya terada’s rakugaking, page 0915

Everyone always said they liked her smile. It weirded Theresa out a little, because in high school and college no one liked much of anything about her, not that they’d felt compelled to tell her at least. She wasn’t even wallpaper. She was the paste behind the wallpaper. Rarely thought of and complimented never.

But now she was grown, she had a good job, her bank account was okay, she had a nice little black lab puppy at home, and every couple of weeks, on the subway, at a restaurant, at the coffee shop, on the street, she heard someone say “Excuse me, but, uh, you have a really pretty smile?” or something to that effect. One guy told her she was “high-beaming,” paused, and immediately apologized. “My mouth sometimes gets out in front of my brain,” he said, before asking if she was busy that weekend.

Theresa had the shy, awkward smile of someone who practiced smiling in a mirror. Nothing special, as far as these things go, but the reaction certainly was remarkable.

The first time someone complimented her, she ignored him. She hated being catcalled. This was just more of the same. The second time, she got caught looking at one guy. He was fresh from the basketball court, judging by his clothes and sweat, and he saw her looking. She looked away, waited, and looked back. He was still looking, so she smiled her practiced smile and looked away again. She could feel a faint warmth crawling its way up her cheeks, physical proof of her guilt.

He sat down beside her and waited a moment. When she didn’t look up, having suddenly become very interested in the gossip magazine she’d been absent-mindedly flipping through, he tapped her shoulder. “I hope this isn’t too creepy,” he began, “but you have a really, really pretty smile.” She smiled back, by accident, and he smiled, too. “I just wanted to say that, I don’t want to bother you or nothing.”

Imagine a woman. She’s tall, but reserved. Skinny jeans, loose t-shirt, and her hair in a bun. Now imagine that same woman, but she is walking on air for a week straight.

After a while, Theresa gave in to the pressure and began going on dates, as long as the complimenter of the day came off genuine and wasn’t too creepy. She was scared of creeps. She was from a small town, and she still wasn’t too sure about New York. She’d heard all the horror stories, most of them false but still terrifyingly feasible to her, and took them to heart. Text a friend before, during, and after a date. Google someone before going out with them. Mace, pocket knife, and know where to throw a knee, elbow, or claw to do the most damage.

To her surprise, Theresa didn’t need any of it. The dates were simple affairs, like coffee and a treat at Starbucks or drinks and pool at a local dive. The picnic in the park got a little awkward, but that was on Theresa’s dog rather than Theresa herself.

The dates didn’t lead to anything past a little drunken making out every once and a while, but that was nice. She didn’t get a lot of that when everyone else did. And each time, she walked home with a pep in her step and a song on her lips.

It felt good.

Once, while she was drunk in a bar with girlfriends, she tried to explain what was going on. It sounded like bragging to her ears, but her ladies only wanted to know more. Did she… with the…? No no no, she demurred. But they kept on: the journalist in the bar bathroom with the leaky faucet, the baller in the backseat of the Acura, the financial district geek in his Benz? Nope, nope, of course not, are you serious?!

Theresa felt good, better than she had in years. She daydreamed about going wild and leaving a trail of broken hearts up and down Manhattan, turning into a real man-eater, and devastating the hearts of lady-killers. But it was a daydream, and nothing more. She didn’t have that in her. She was far too kind for that. She didn’t want to rock the boat so much as just enjoy the ride.

Life was good. She wanted to enjoy it. She liked to smile.

dice-k

When the voice on the other end of his mobile said his uncle died in prison, Daisuke slung the phone down the alley with a sidearm snap and cursed.

He watched his flip phone skip across the concrete. Daisuke played baseball in high school, over ten years gone now, and his throw was half as good as it used to be, but more than good enough for the occasion. The phone didn’t hit the ground for a good twenty feet, and it skipped across the alley when it hit. It bounced once, twice, and then hit the wall hard. The hinge and both screens shattered. The sound was pleasing, the short and final sounding clatter of several different types of high-tech plastic meeting an old-fashioned immovable object.

The deep bass pounding just inside the club’s back door was impossible to ignore, but Daisuke tried anyway. He closed his eyes, and breathed out, squeezing his eyes hard enough to hurt. He patted the pockets of his black slim-fit jeans, looking for a pack of cigarettes. He felt his keys, emergency knife, a thick roll of bills, and a business card from some geek who claimed he had a big idea, but no smokes. He opened his eyes and patted harder, looking at where he patted this time, only to realize that he’d quit smoking exactly seven days prior. Cold turkey. His nostrils flared and he closed his eyes again, breathing even more slowly. His breath crystallized in the cold night air, and he looked at it, his eyes unfocused, as it faded away.

Takeshi Yamamoto was blood, real blood. He wasn’t a true uncle, more of an older distant cousin, but Daisuke loved him. Yamamoto showed him the ropes, vouched for him when it counted, and now he was dead. Some tame cop, some coward, who had been more than happy to take Yamamoto’s money for years turned snitch, and now Yamamoto was dead. It wasn’t fair.

The wall hurt when he hit it. His punch landed just to the right of the hinges of the door with a flat slap. His knuckles scraped the intricate brickwork, sending a hot flash up his arm. Before the flash faded, he’d swung again, and again, and again. His blood smeared the wall with each new punch, and the last punch slipped on it, slamming into the door and leaving a starburst of blood on the cool metal and a low thud echoing down the alley. He lifted his hand again, ready to throw another punch, and paused. He forced his fist to unclench and worked his fingers. A blast of air shot out of his nostrils as his hand lowered to his side, still working his fingers. His other hand was still.

The door opened and the owner of the club, a nervous little worm of a man with thick glasses, peeked outside. “Ah,” said the worm, “sir, did you get locked out? I’m terribly–”

Daisuke waved him off and said “Shut up.” He grabbed the door with his right hand, the bloody one, and felt his fingers beginning to stiffen. He swung it open all the way, wrenching it out of the worm’s hands. “Bring a first aid kit to VIP.” Daisuke slipped past the worm, his lanky frame nearly bowling over the owner, and strode into the club. “And a bottle.” Daisuke paused his forward motion and spoke while facing straight ahead, away from the worm. “Proper whiskey, none of the watered down piss water you serve the simps. Top shelf, something golden brown instead of tan. Something with a burn.”

The club was packed. A year ago, it was some hole in the wall in Ikebukuro, barely worth the entrance fee. It was a terrible place for a dance club, even in that district. It had the wrong vibe, the worst location, and terrible foot traffic, but the owners managed to fast-talk their way into a sponsorship deal with a music label. That led to a series of shows with buzzed about, but low budget, rappers. The shows were very well received, and the right place hit the right time. Bigger musicians began to visit to play, and then to loiter. After six months, the club had a rep. The location and vibe became badges of honor. It was an out-of-the-way club that offered an off-the-beaten-path experience. Reality vérité, for people who wanted to see what wilding out was really like. It was a place to see and be seen, and the bouncers at the door — corporation men, every one of them, as were the label reps — served as the perfect barrier to entry. You Must Be This Rich To Ride, You Must Show This Much Skin To Get In.

The VIP booths, four of them, overlooked the dance floor. One was kept empty, just in case Daisuke or his brothers decided to come by. The other three were dedicated to the elite crowd. The booths were just past the bar, up a short flight of stairs. A single man, higher ranking than the thugs at the door, but not by much, sat by the stairs. His job was to flirt with the girls, glare at the men, and be there for whatever Daisuke needed. He was a glorified gopher, and Daisuke hated him, deep down.

The back door was across the dance floor from the VIP booths and the bar. Daisuke had to walk across the club to get back to the VIP. An annoyance, but an unavoidable one. The quickest route was through the dance floor. He could have gone around it, but there would be people in the way regardless. The direct route, then.

He stepped onto the dance floor and began walking, eyes forward. Most people, once they realized who he was or saw the reactions of others, moved out of his way. One woman didn’t. She noticed him. She winked at him when she saw him notice her, threw a sexy twirl his way, and danced at him. She danced close, close enough for her breath to be hot on his neck. Daisuke grimaced, placed a hand on her shoulder, and pushed her off. He kept walking.

The scrub guarding the stairs to the VIP was too busy with a girl to lift the velvet rope and let Daisuke in. Typical. Pathetic. Give a young man a bit of money and a little power, and the only thing on his mind would be a woman. The man had both his hands around the girl’s waist, fingers interlaced, and she stood over him while he sat on a stool, blocking his view. Daisuke reached over the woman’s shoulder, grabbed the man’s shoulder with his bloody hand, and pushed. He pushed hard. The goon fell backwards, tipping off the stool, and the girl went down with him. He caught the velvet rope on his way down, pulling the brass poles that supported it to the ground. Daisuke stepped to the side, away from the tumbling couple, and waited.

Before the dust could settle, the goon was rising to his feet, knife first. Daisuke watched him, looking him dead in his eyes, waiting for that flash of recognition that would mean the guy wasn’t a total idiot. It came late, almost too late, and was quickly replaced by panic.

He apologized profusely and politely, ignoring the girl when she asked what was going on. He swore fealty, stressed his loyalty, and promised to pay more attention in the future. Daisuke told him to go home.

“I’m deeply sorry, I didn’t know–”

“And you won’t. Go home. You’ll be called next time I need you.” Daisuke watched the man open his mouth again. “Not another word or I swear I’ll cut your throat with your own little knife.”

The owner didn’t bring the first aid kit up himself. Daisuke assumed he was too afraid to, or maybe just too eager to please. The man was a try-hard, desperate to seem like he was a willing and open-minded cog in the machine. He wanted everything to go smoothly, so when the worm sent up a pretty bartender, the first aid kit, whiskey, and several glasses balanced on a tray, Daisuke rolled his eyes and accepted it. He focused on breathing and didn’t look at her.

The woman sat down next to him on the plush purple couches. Her weight made Daisuke rise slightly as the couch stabilized. She was pretty, clad in a purple and black cocktail dress. The club’s palette ran toward varying shades of purple, from lilac to nearly black, and that was reflected in both the staff’s dress code and the decor of the club. Her skirt was on the darker side of purple; just enough to blend with the black, but not so dark that it wouldn’t be noticed.

She settled and introduced herself. She was Kanae, her boss had sent her up as a personal hostess, and would he be drinking alone tonight? She inclined her head toward the whiskey and the glasses. Unbidden, she turned over one of the ornate tumblers on her tray. Her hand shook slightly, and it clinked against the others. A small tattoo of a sunflower stretched between her index finger and thumb, the stem winding its way to her wrist, where it disappeared under a purple and black studded bracelet.

“You’re nervous,” Daisuke said.

“Oh, no,” Kanae insisted. She shook her head briefly, and her bob flicked from side to side in the hot room. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’ve just been on the clock for a while. Merely a tremor, sir. Nothing to worry about.”

Daisuke looked at her as she poured him a glass of whiskey. She was focused on her task, her eyebrows creased, and knew enough not to offer him ice. “Pour yourself a glass,” he said.

Kanae looked surprised, and then crestfallen. “I couldn’t afford it, sir,” she said. “I’m sorry, but this is very expensive for someone like me, and we aren’t allowed to drink on the job, besides.”

“Pour yourself a glass,” Daisuke said. “It’s on the house.” He lifted his glass and looked at her until she poured one of her own. They toasted (“To your health sir.” “To family.”), he nodded at her, and he drained his glass. She took a healthy sip, swallowed, grimaced, and coughed. “Not your speed?” Daisuke looked at his glass and frowned at the streaks of blood on the outside. The blood had thinned out, but still made the glass slippery. He poured himself another glass, ignoring Kanae’s attempt to pour it herself. It was too full this time.

“I usually like beer, honestly.” Kanae smiled and shrugged. “But this is good! Thank you very much.” She took another swallow, coughed again, quieter this time, and turned to face Daisuke. “Ah, I was informed that you needed first aid, sir? You’re injured?”

Daisuke polished off half his second glass with a gulp and treasured the burn as it made its way down his chest. “That I am,” he said. He held out his right hand palm-first. His palm was red, and dried blood flaked off as he moved his fingers. He turned his hand around and showed her his savaged knuckles. “Do you want to know what happened, Kanae?”

Kanae hid her look of shock by focusing on opening the first aid kit. It was a cheap little box, but it had mercurochrome, rubbing alcohol, bandages, and wraps. They were all generic, probably bootlegged, but they would do. She removed everything from the box, arranging them onto a table near the plate the whiskey sat on, and spoke. “If you’d like to tell me, sir, I’d be happy to listen.” She looked at his hand again, tentatively, and her eyebrows crunched again. “Do you mind if I disinfect that while you tell me? It may sting.”

“You are nervous!” Daisuke said, and laughed. He held out his hand over the empty plastic box and swirled his whiskey glass with his other hand. “Sting me,” he said, “and tell me why you’re so nervous.”

Kanae held both hands in front of herself, palms out. “I’m merely trying to show you the respect you deserve, that a man of your position deserves–”

“No,” Daisuke said. “You’re nervous. Why?”

She was silent for a moment, clearly weighing her options. She chewed her lower lip and lowered her hands into her lap before she spoke again. She spoke slowly, carefully considering every word. “I know that you are yakuza,” she said, “and I assume that you are fairly high ranking in your organization, considering how you are treated here.”

“And how am I treated here, Kanae?”

“With respect. With fear. The owner fears you,” — and here Daisuke laughed again, a harsh sound to Kanae’s ears — “and the staff always talk about you, they trade stories. Respectful ones, of course. You’re… a mystery to us.” Kanae motioned to Daisuke’s hand, and then to the medical supplies. “May I?”

Daisuke rolled up his sleeve and offered his hand again.

Kanae doused Daisuke’s entire hand in mercurochrome, rinsed it in water, and doused it again. His fingers were a mess, and the knuckles were in particularly bad shape, too. While Daisuke held his hand over the now-wet box, Kanae investigated the bandages, weighing the benefits of several bandages over one wrap. “I’m no expert, sir, but I’ll do my best.” She began dabbing at Daisuke’s wounds with a cotton ball, clearing out the rest of the blood and prepping for another round of antiseptic.

Daisuke watched her work for a moment, and then asked her, “What did the owner say when he sent you up here?”

She blushed underneath her makeup and stammered. “He said you were angry, and that I was to make sure you were comfortable, no matter what.”

“No matter what,” Daisuke said. He enunciated the phrase carefully, exploring the taste of it. “And that’s why you’re nervous?”

“Yes sir,” she said. “I must confess that I’m… not entirely sure what is expected of me.” She finished cleaning his hand, and moved on to applying bandages where she could. “I think I’m going to have to wrap this, sir. The bandages aren’t big enough.”

Daisuke grunted something like an affirmative and sat in thought for a moment. The silence was thick, and almost painful. “Kanae,” he said, and stopped. He started again. “Do you want to know what happened to my hand?”

Kanae’s voice was very small when she answered. “If you’d like to tell me, I would be happy to hear it.” She jumped when he flexed his hand.

“Do you want to hear the story, or not? Yes or no.”

“Yes, sir,” she said. She began working a wrap around his hand, folding it tightly around his wounds. She moved slowly, wrapping the hand as a hole and then each finger on its own.

“I don’t have a father,” Daisuke said. “He left, or died, or something long before I was born. I grew up with my mother. Eventually, she found a man, a boyfriend. I was twelve the first time he hit her. He wasn’t a drunk. He was just scum.” Daisuke finished his second glass and motioned for Kanae to pour him another. “I was angry, but he was bigger than I was. I knew my place. A month after he hit my mother, my uncle Takeshi came to visit. We put on a good front, we had a nice dinner. The perfect family, despite the cohabitation. I was to do the dishes that night, and uncle Takeshi offered to do them with me.”

Kanae finished wrapping his hand, tying a tight bow on his palm to top things off. She inspected her work, turning his hand this way and that, and nodded. “Your uncle sounds like a kind man.”

“You didn’t know my uncle,” Daisuke said. “My mother and her boyfriend went to watch television while we washed, and I told my uncle what happened.” He took another drink here, holding it in his mouth before swallowing. “My uncle was already my hero. He lived in the big city, he’d escaped our family, and he had nice clothes. He took me to see the Hawks a couple times, back before the Softbank business.

“I told my uncle what my mother’s boyfriend had done, and he stopped washing dishes. He knelt down — I thought he was really tall back then, but it turns out I was just short for my age — and he looked me in my eyes. He grabbed my shoulders, he grabbed them tight, and he told me something I never forgot. Do you know what he told me?”

Kanae’s hands were back in her lap at this point, and she was staring at her knees. Her drink sat in front of her, untouched since her second sip. “No, sir, I don’t. What did he say?”

“‘Daisuke,’ he said to me. ‘Daisuke, your family comes first. You’re a man, so be one. Even if it costs you your life, you do not let anyone fuck with your family.'” Daisuke smiled at the side of Kanae’s head, watching her watch her lap. “I was twelve,” he said. “And then uncle Takeshi dried his hands, walked into the living room, and put my mother’s boyfriend through a window. He opened the door — I thought that was the weirdest thing, that he’d walk to the door and open it — and went outside. He beat the man nearly to death without saying a word. And then he made a phone call. A cop arrived, took the man into custody, and I never saw him again. My uncle left a roll of bills with us to pay for the window. He told me to never forget what he told me, that some things are more important than my life.”

“Mm,” Kanae said. “And your uncle, he brought you into this… he helped you become a yakuza?”

“That he did, Kanae,” Daisuke said. He was quiet for a moment, joining Kanae in her silence. “Do you still not know what is expected of you?” Daisuke asked.

“Ah,” she began, but Daisuke interrupted her with a raised hand.

“My uncle died today, Kanae.”

“I’m very sorry to hear that,” she replied.

“I’m not interested in your body, and I’m no rapist.” Daisuke drank again, a shorter sip this time. “You’re too nervous.”

“I’m very sorry, sir.”

“All I want you to do,” Daisuke said, and took another swallow of whiskey, “is sit here and talk to me until I decide to leave. And you can’t do that if you’re this nervous.”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I cannot help it.”

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I apologize for thinking otherwise,” Kanae said. She finally met his gaze, ever so briefly, before looking away again.

“Are you going to apologize for apologizing next?” Daisuke asked, “or are we going to actually talk?”

“We can talk,” she said, and they did.

They were still talking when something caught Daisuke’s eye. He stopped talking to Kanae mid-sentence, stood, and watched the club from his window. Down, to the right, near the DJ. There was seating and a mini-bar for high rollers down there, just at the end of the dance floor proper. That’s where the movement was. There were surprised people there, but he couldn’t figure out why. He watched people trying to leave, and eventually the floor cleared to the point that he could locate the source of the trouble. Some fool had had too much to drink or was fired up on drugs, and he’d turned belligerent. He was waving a knife at the patrons and saying something, but his shouts couldn’t be heard over the throbbing of the music. A knife, of all things. A chair or two lay at the man’s feet, knocked over during his rise. The bouncers at the door were worthless. They hadn’t noticed the commotion yet, but they’d soon be on their way. Daisuke figured he’d join them.

“Kanae,” he said.

“Sir?”

“How heavy is that whiskey bottle?”

There was a quiet moment, and then a thunk as Kanae tested its weight. “Pretty heavy, sir. It’s real glass, at least I think it is.”

Daisuke turned around and took the bottle. He poured her a drink, once again over-filling the glass, and said, “Stay here.” He left the VIP booth with the bottle. She nodded behind him, and obediently clutched her glass.

It was harder to get through the club this time. Bad vibes have a way of traveling, and while precious few people knew exactly what was going on, they knew something was happening. Something bad. They were less inclined to make way for anyone, even someone as obviously connected as Daisuke. He pushed and shoved his way through the crowd, taking pulls off his bottle on the way. Halfway to the trouble he met up with a bouncer, a low-level enforcer he knew from back in the day. Daisuke rose through the ranks. This guy didn’t. C’est la guerre. They looked at each other and moved through the crowd together, the bouncer clearing the way.

The idiot was definitely drunk, Daisuke realized. He could smell the alcohol, even over the fumes pouring out of his own bottle. The drunk had his back to the DJ booth and was swinging wildly at whoever got close. There was broken glass at his feet, and the crowd had retreated around him, forming a half-circle of spectators eager for a fight.

Daisuke inclined his head at the bouncer, and then motioned at the drunk. As Daisuke watched the bouncer move in, screaming epithets at the drunk all the while. Daisuke closed his eyes, mouthed a silent thank you to his uncle, and then opened them again. The noise of the club faded as Daisuke focused. He didn’t even hear the record skip when the bouncer threw the drunk up against the DJ booth. All of reality narrowed down to a single point, and the shouts, jeers, and screams didn’t even so much as make waves in Daisuke’s consciousness. He was watching the bouncer beat on the man and thinking about the next move.

He stepped forward, toward the action, just as the drunk shoved the bouncer off him. The bouncer looked as surprised at the knife stuck in his collarbone as the drunk, and stumbled backwards before tripping over a chair and bringing down a table. The drunk was bleeding from the face by this point, his face reduced to a red smear by the bouncer’s fists. He looked at Daisuke, balled up his fists, and decided to make a bad decision. He grabbed a broken bottle from the floor, a remnant of his earlier rampage. It dripped cheap beer from the broken end. The man took a step and then sprinted at Daisuke.

Daisuke didn’t smile when he brought the whiskey bottle up and around, slamming it against the side of the drunk’s head, but he wanted to. It felt better than anything had felt in ages, even if it made his wounded hand hurt more.

The drunk went flying, skidding to a stop to Daisuke’s left, close to where the bystanders were watching. The club was beginning to empty as the bouncers, hosts, and hostesses began escorting people outside. They worked quickly, promising free drink tickets and future admission in exchange for silence, and physically removed most of the people from the club. Daisuke looked at his whiskey bottle and his eyes widened in surprise. It was still half full, and it hadn’t so much as cracked during the impact. Kanae was right. It was heavy, real heavy. It clearly wasn’t suited to serve as a sharp weapon in a pinch, but it was a great cudgel. Good enough.

Daisuke turned his head to watch the drunk rise. The drunk shook his head, sending a halo of blood to the floor, grabbed a chair and lunged at Daisuke again. Daisuke threw the bottle this time, purely on reflex, and caught the man square in the face with its base. The bottle didn’t break this time either, and it didn’t halt his forward motion at all. The man tipped forward while his head snapped back, and his momentum carried him into Daisuke’s arms. He sat there in a daze for just a moment before trying to push away.

Daisuke rolled with the motion and turned him around, bending the man’s knife hand behind and up his back in the process. Daisuke pushed the man’s elbow up with his other hand, hard, until he felt and heard the shoulder pop, and then threw a punch directly at the base of the man’s skull for good measure. Daisuke’s right hand throbbed at the exertion, but the man fell to the ground, limp, and laid there moaning. The bottle slowly spun to a stop off to the side, still unbroken, whiskey dribbling out of its neck. Daisuke grabbed the bottle, gauged how much liquor was left and whether any blood had made it inside the bottle, and looked around. He wanted to do more; he had the perfect chance to do more, but now was not the time.

The club was empty now. Daisuke only spotted staff and fellow yakuza as he surveyed the area. The staff was cleaning up already, accelerating their shutdown process. Half the yakuza were looking at him for guidance. The other half was preparing to remove the man from the premises. One of them was lighting a cigarette, and Daisuke glared at him. When he went to put it out, though, Daisuke waved and shrugged. Do what you want. The club’s owner slipped into the area, eager to demonstrate how excited he was to clean up the spilled blood and liquor in front of his masters and to discipline his workers if they moved to slowly.

Another enforcer approached Daisuke and asked what he wanted done with the drunk. “Empty his pockets,” Daisuke said. “Leave his cards, but take his cash, identification, any photos. His phone. Does he have car keys?” A man checked and grunted a no. “Then dump him far from his home. He can walk back.” Daisuke watched the men work, and then had another thought. “Strip him naked, too, before you drop him off.”

Daisuke looked up at the VIP and saw Kanae looking out of the window. Her arms were crossed, a glass of whiskey held in one hand as she watched the melee. Daisuke smiled, his first smile of the night, and threw her a loose military-style salute with his bandaged hand. His fingers were locking into place now, so stiff that he couldn’t move them if he tried. It turned his hands into a claw. He’d have to visit a hospital. She smiled a sad smile and lifted her glass.